


Dungeons and Dorks

by LostImmortality



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: DnDtale, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Swapfell, The DM is purposely left up to the reader as to who it is, Underfell, it goes about as well as you would think, the boys are playing a game of Dungeons and Dragons, underswap - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 07:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20811626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostImmortality/pseuds/LostImmortality
Summary: A group of weary adventurers find themselves on another mission.And by weary travelers, it is obviously implied that they’re in fact skeletons who are really, truly, just the worst.





	Dungeons and Dorks

**Author's Note:**

> [Here are the classes and art for the boys by yours truly! I... may be getting carried away with this, whoops.](https://lost-immortality.tumblr.com/post/187970247720/the-complete-line-up-of-dd-boys-full)

Heat seemed to swelter from every surface of the home that the party had found themselves in. It was uncomfortable, and if any of them had ever wondered what a sunburn felt like… well, they didn’t any more. It was a good thing that they were skeletons, otherwise they were certain that they would have a lot less armor on.

Some of them wouldn’t have minded that, if it weren’t for the threat they were currently searching for. One would think it would be a lot easier to find a fire giant. Obviously, those people had never tried to do so before. 

“th’ hell ‘r you doing? she ain’t gonna be under the rug, you idiot.” Red crossed his arms and rolled his eyelights at the cleric as he peeked under a large, intricately woven throw rug. 

“WE HAVE TO CHECK EVERYWHERE! WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD BE HIDDEN AROUND HERE!” Blue replied, frowning a bit and letting the rug down where there was nothing under it. 

“DO YOU HONESTLY THINK A  _ FIRE GIANT  _ WOULD HAVE SOME KIND OF REGULAR SIZED TRAP DOOR? THAT’S PREPOSTEROUS!” Boss shook his head, “OBVIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD BE CHECKING BEHIND THE BOOKSHELVES.”

“can’t we just move on? it’s hotter than grillbz’ fuckin’ dick in here. ain’t no reason ta poke around wen we c’n just finish the mission. gettin’ paid for it anyways.” 

Red was immediately whacked over the back of the head. “DO NOT BE SO CRUDE!” Black shook his head disapprovingly as he passed through the much too big doorway that made him look even smaller than usual. 

Sans peeked his head in the room and looked around, seemingly indifferent to all of it, “there’s nothing magic in here. probably not worth the search.”

“AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?” Boss challenged, tilting his head at Sans.

The monster in question wiggled his fingers lacklusterly, “mmmmagic.” 

“s cause he cast detect magic before we came in, remember?” Stretch pointed out, idly glancing around the hallway. 

“aw, darn. wait to play along, string bean.” Sans chuckled, not actually bothered by it. 

Stretch shrugged unapologetically, “anytime.”

“EVEN IF THERE IS NOT MAGIC, THERE MAY BE SOME KIND OF SECRET PASSAGEWAY, OR PERHAPS SOME OTHER KIND OF...SOMETHING THAT COULD HELP US?” Papyrus suggested, rolling on his feet a bit as he looked around the room. 

“it’s her  _ bedroom.  _ the most you’re going to find is her diary under the mattress or something.” As soon as the words left the orange-clad bard’s mouth, at least four different gazes moved over to the bed. 

“...WAIT. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE ALL THINKING, BUT THAT WOULD BE IMMORAL!” Papyrus whisper-shouted, “YOU CANNOT GO THROUGH A DIARY! THAT WOULD BE LIKE GOING THROUGH SOMEONE’S SOCK DRAWER!”

“scandalous,” Red deadpanned, already going through just that. He found a couple of platinum pieces stashed away in the back of it that he quickly pocketed. “so, which one of us is checking under the mattress? if none a ya want to, i will.”

“i thought you wanted to move on,” Mutt pointed out, hefting up the furniture in question as he did so. 

“‘nd give up the chance to poke around where i shouldn’t be? yeah right.”

Much to the disappointment of the ones who had been hoping to find some juicy information in the form of a sparkly pink locked book, there seemed to be nothing under the mattress. (Little did they know that the fire giant did indeed keep one- it was just on the top bookshelf, and looked deceivingly like every other book up there.) The party didn’t seem to believe that there was anything else of interest in the room with that let down, and so with a seemingly wordless exchange of glances, they agreed to move along. 

A good majority of the furniture they passed was much too large for any of them, and it was all seemingly custom made out of various metals in place of the customary wood pieces. Taking into consideration who lived in the house, all of these things made perfect sense to the boys, so they didn’t spend much time lingering on appreciating the decor. 

Papyrus, Boss and Black headed the group, weapons drawn and at the ready. There was no telling when they would run into their charge, after all, and getting caught off guard by a creature that could very well punt them across the room wasn’t on any of their to do lists. 

Towards the back of the group was Blue and Red, the least and most stealthy of the group respectively. (Listen; it wasn’t  _ his  _ fault plate armor was so loud!) That left the squishier of the group more or less safely sandwiched in the middle, which the whole company had, at some point, agreed was for the best. 

This, however, made it easier for a certain rogue to slink off if something caught his attention. The problem therin was that anything and everything was liable to catch his attention, and, well, that greatsword hanging on the wall in one of the rooms they passed was calling his name like a siren song. 

Sure, there might not have been anything magical about it- it was just a sword… but it looked cool as  _ shit _ . 

So, as the others continued ahead, he made the executive decision to hang back, slinking into the shadows. They didn’t seem to notice. Good. Once Blue rounded a corner, his grin grew, and he wandered over to the wall. 

The sword was just above eye level… or at least, It would have been if he were a fire giant, which he decidedly was not. He narrowed his eyes at the weapon, figuring the best way to get it down.

...This certainly seemed like an appropriate time for mage hand. 

His magic sparked to life, pulling the sword easily off of the hooks it had been on. It slowly drifted down to him, falling perfectly into his hands. His grin widened as he looked it over, holding the large blade up and out to inspect it. 

_ Damn  _ was she a beaut. Maybe he could talk Sans into doing some of that nerdy shit and enchanting it for him. Something with fire would be nice… or… maybe something akin to KR... Yeah. Yeah, that was a good idea. He’d do that.

The sound of a loud throat clearing pulled Red out of his thoughts. 

His entire body tensed up as he slowly lowered the sword and turned around. His gaze trailed upwards slowly until it was met with a scowl set upon ashen skin, framed by bright, flickering flames that lapped harmlessly at her skin. 

“uh… heh. i can, uh… i’ll just… put this back now.”

In a motion so fast he barely knew what hit him, Red was suddenly on the ground, a massive black sword at his neck. But.. she hadn’t killed him yet. 

Of fucking course he was going to take it this opportunity. 

Despite the nervous sweat, Red’s grin shifted to be something flirty, “damn. didn’t think i’d ever get the chance to meet someone as  _ hot _ as you.”

__________

“...Did you say that in character?” The DM asked scrupulously. 

“hell yeah i did! and when i did, i cast charm person.”

“Okay, well,  _ technically,  _ that’s not a ‘humanoid’, but… uh… rule of cool, I guess. Sure.” They rolled a die and bit back a sigh. “Roll a… deception check?”

“there ain’t no deception going on, sweetheart,” Red purred out.

“Okay, great, fine. A persuasion check, then.”

The sound of a dice skittering across the table broke through the silence that had fallen over the table. 

“OH, YOU HAVE  _ GOT _ TO BE KIDDING ME.” Boss had leaned over the table to get a good look at his brother’s dice. The table quickly broke into noise as everyone clamored over his roll. 

Red’s grin was positively malicious, “that’s a nat twenty.”

“....I hate you and everything you stand for.”

__________

The fire giant, seemingly confused by this, lowered her sword just slightly. She spoke in what might have been a normal volume for her, but to Red, it may as well have been a booming demand. 

...He didn’t understand her. Red didn’t speak giant. Damn. So, he settled on just nodding as if he  _ had  _ understood her. 

The giant lowered her sword the rest of the way, but continued to scowl at him. She flicked her head towards the door and said something, which Red chose to take as an…  _ invitation  _ to leave. 

He would have been an idiot not to take it. So, he slowly stood up and began to go back the way his group had come from, to the entrance of the house. 

Before he could get very far, he was stopped by her blade slamming down in front of him with a loud ‘ _ clang’ _ of metal on stone. He put his hands up in surrender, and looked to the fire giant. 

If looks could kill… well, actually there were some cases where it could here, huh?

She set her glare to the sword. Oh. Damn. He had thought he could get away with that. “you want me to… put it back?”

She boomed out a command to him in return. 

“right. okay. i’ll just… put…. it…”

Something shattered on the floor between the fire giant and Red. His grin widened as he saw another shard of ice streak down to the ground and clatter across the floor. It was followed by another, and then a few more in rapid succession before it seemed like the ceiling itself opened into a shower of ice shards. 

The fire giant roared in outrage, kicking Red away in her anger. 

The skeleton let out a sharp ‘ _ oomph” _ as he slid across the floor (and thankfully, out of the ice storm), right to the feet of Mutt. 

“....nice sword.”

“thanks, i stole it.”

“not yet, you didn’t.” Mutt grabbed Red by the hood and pulled him back up to his feet. 

“WHY’D YOU USE  _ THAT  _ SPELL?! NOW THOSE OF US WHO SPECIALIZE IN CLOSE COMBAT CAN’T DO OUR THING!” Black complained.

Sans shrugged, “fire and ice. it seemed thematic.”

He huffed, “FINE! WHAT’S DONE IS DONE! I GUESS I’LL JUST… WAIT HERE UNTIL SHE COMES OUT OF THERE, THEN!” Black crossed his arms. 

“in the meantime,” Stretch passed through and narrowed his eyes at the storm to pinpoint the giant. He held up a hand… and promptly gave a finger gun with a little, “Ptchoo.”

Even though the others weren’t in the affected area, they could hear the piercing, shattering sound that followed his movement. It was almost louder than the roar that followed it. 

The giant rushed out of the storm towards the group, figuratively fuming and literally steaming. Her glare zeroed in on the group, but there were a few who had been anticipating this. 

Now, Black was certainly no stranger to fighting those that were larger than him in size. Sure, an actual giant may have been a whole different ball game, but the same general concept applied; catch them off guard, and use their own body against them. 

As the fire giant lifted a foot to charge the group, the small skeleton used her momentum and a perfectly timed blow to the leg supporting her weight to trip her up. The floor shook as it took her weight sharply. Black was a bit surprised that the stone floor hadn’t cracked at the sudden impact of the fire giant’s armor. 

Regardless, it gave Boss the perfect opportunity to swing his greatsword down at her head. 

Her eyes widened, and in a flurry of movement, she brought an arm up to block the attack. Boss clicked his tongue in disappointment. Sure, he may have hit her, but it certainly wasn’t what he had been hoping for. It would have been nice to end the battle right then…. though he  _ supposed  _ that wasn’t what was asked of them.

Papyrus, though his sword was still unsheathed at his side, went for a different approach. Though it might not hold well, he pulled a chain from his bag, and spent a few seconds entangling the giant’s feet in it. At the very least, hopefully it would slow the creature down.

“hey there slick, you wanna try that scroll before she gets back up?” Sans asked the group’s warlock, shoving the scroll in his hands. 

“me? why me?”

“well, i can’t, i’m sleeping.”

“NO YOU’RE NOT?” Blue gave him a look of confusion. 

“oh. i’m not? gotta fix that.”

__________

“i cast sleep on myself.” Sans stated, completely serious. 

“Uh…”

“SANS! YOU CAN’T DO THAT! WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE!” Papyrus huffed out to his brother.

“i can’t hear that, i’m sleeping. i’m… also going to get more snacks, be back in a flash. let me know if i die, okay?” Sans popped away from the table with the empty bowl of chisps before anyone could stop him.

“...Okay, well, I guess your wizard just kind of… collapses on the ground? Uh.. He’s… he’s sleeping now.”

__________

Blue let out an exasperated sigh as Sans ragdolled to the ground, quickly curling up with a snore. “SHOULD I TRY USING RAISE DEAD ON HIM?”

“HE’S NOT DEAD, HE’S JUST AN IMBECILE,” Boss shouted from over near the giant. 

“...GOOD POINT,” Blue nodded and held up his mace, the weapon lighting up in fluorescent blue before the light streaked towards the creature. It impacted, and she glittered with a mystical light, sticking out like a sore thumb against the dark, dim colors of her home. 

“now would be a good time ta use that scroll,” Red pulled out his greataxe and rushed at the giant, his eyelights flickering to a bright red as he brought the weapon up over his head and swung it down.

“alright, alright, i’m working on it,” Mutt grumbled, uncurling the paper and begging to read. “though we’d have a better chance of making it work if the lazybones were the one to-“

“ _ JUST READ IT _ !” Both Black and Boss reprimanded as they tried to hold the giant down. 

“i am,” he pointed out, “just with mild complaining. if this doesn’t work, i’m blaming all of you.”

The fire giant struggled a bit, but kicked off the much smaller by comparison skeletons and pushed herself back to her feet. Her eyes blazed as she set them on Red, who’s spell had long worn out at this point. Sadly, she knew exactly what he had done as per the nature of the spell. 

Naturally, she was  _ livid  _ with him. 

Her sword swung down at him in an arc, and Red gritted his teeth, flinching back for the hit. 

...it never came. 

When he opened his eyes again, there was no giant there. It was as if she had completely fallen off the face of the planet… or at least as if she wasn’t on this plane anymore. 

“...WELL. THAT CERTAINLY IS A USEFUL SPELL. WHY DON’T ANY OF  _ YOU  _ KNOW IT?” Boss huffed, needlessly dusting himself off. 

“because we don’t get it until higher levels. and even then, i think it’d just be sleepy over there and my bro that could cast it,” Stretch explained. 

“EITHER WAY, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. YOU DID SEND HER TO THE RIGHT PLACE, CORRECT?” Black eyed his brother. 

“yeah, yeah. put her right where the guy asked us to. no idea  _ why  _ he asked us to, but whatever. we’re getting paid for it either way.”

“DO WE WANT TO SEARCH THE HOUSE ANY MORE BEFORE WE LEAVE?” Blue asked, already glancing around for anything of interest. 

“OF COURSE WE DO! IT IS NOT LIKE SHE WILL BE NEEDING IT ANY TIME SOON!” Black meandered off, with Blue right at his feet. The others were quick to follow, eager to find some cool stuff.

Papyrus stared thoughtfully at the spot the giant had been as he scooped up his brother and tucked the smaller skeleton under his arm like a football. He hesitated to follow. 

“what’s eatin’ atcha?” Sans peeked an eye open. This came as no surprise to Papyrus. He knew his brother specialized in modifying spells, so of course he wouldn’t cast something on himself that would make him  _ stay _ asleep in danger. 

“... WHAT IF WE DID A BAD THING HERE?”

Sans tilted his head, “what do you mean?”

“WELL, IT’S JUST… THE MAN DIDN’T  _ REALLY  _ TELL US WHAT THE POINT OF THIS WAS. WHAT IF... WHAT IF WE JUST SENT HER TO SOME KIND OF INNOCENT VILLAGE, OR… SOMETHING LIKE THAT?”

“... huh. well, we’ve seen the giant, so if it helps, i can check in to see what she’s doing. gotta be on the same plane, but that’s no problem.”

Papyrus nodded and smiled at Sans, “THANK YOU! IT MEANS A LOT TO ME!”

“any time, Paps,” Sans muttered as Papyrus marched back off towards the others to help loot the place, as was customary for adventurers to do… for… some reason. 

To absolutely no one’s surprise, there was a small argument going on in the room the party had gathered in. 

“WELL,  _ I’M  _ THE ONE THAT FOUND IT, SO OBVIOUSLY, I’M THE ONE THAT SHOULD GET IT.”

“BUT YOU DON’T EVEN  _ USE  _ SPELLS LIKE I DO, WHY WOULD YOU NEED A RING OF SPELL STORING?”

Just as unsurprisingly, it was Black and Blue butting heads once again. The former of the pair held a ring in his fingers, very purposefully keeping his arm stretched away from the party’s cleric. 

Sans narrowed his eyes at the ring for but a second before chuckling, “if you want my opinion, i don’t think either of you should take it.”

“don’t you have enough ways to cast spells, lazybones?” Mutt asked from the spot he had taken leaning against a wall and watching the two argue. 

“oh, yeah, plenty. i don’t want it.”

Mutt narrowed his sockets at Sans, “what’s wrong with it?”

“oh, the ring? nothing. unless you count the fact that it’s super cursed.”

“WH- WHAT?!” Black practically flung the ring at Blue, “YOU CAN HAVE IT! IT’S ALL YOURS!”

Blue caught the ring a bit clumsily before giving it a disappointed look. “WELL, I DON’T WANT IT EITHER.”

“...can i have it?” Mutt pushed himself off the wall and eyed the ring with what could only be absolute mischievous glee on his face.

“why? you don’t even know what the curse does,” Stretch pointed out. 

“don’t need to. not for this.” The ring was handed over to him as he spoke. 

__________

“hey dm?”

“....What?”

Mutt’s grin turned absolutely feral, “as soon as that ring touches my fingers, i  _ eat  _ it.”

“You… you  _ what?” _

“you heard me. i eat the cursed object.”

The table was absolutely quiet as everyone looked at him with wildly different expressions. Or, at least… it was quiet until half the table burst into rambunctious laughter. 

“...Okay, well, uh… I… I guess before anyone can stop him, he eats the ring.”

“DOES IT DO ANYTHING?” Black asked. 

“Well, uh… no. Not unless he attunes to it… are you going to?”

“nope.”

“...So you just ate it… to eat it?”

“yup.”

“Great. I hate you guys, and I’m pretty sure if I do this for any more time, I’m going to  _ actually  _ lose my mind. Thanks for coming. See you guys next week?”

“OF COURSE!! WE WOULDN’T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD!” Papyrus had proclaimed happily.

Despite the initial trepidation from some of the group, they had never failed to show up every week after the first game. It had become a sort of tradition for that ragtag group of skeletons, and honestly? Was one of the few things they all very much enjoyed doing. 

So, of course they would be there next week. It was the least they could do for constantly derailing all of the poor DM’s hard work after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s a Tumblr if you nerds have any questions, or you just want to chat:
> 
> [boop.](https://lost-immortality.tumblr.com)
> 
> [Twitter is also a thing!](https://twitter.com/Immortana)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Ivory Brotherhood](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23368813) by [PotatoBastard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatoBastard/pseuds/PotatoBastard)


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